Tulips are funny things some times.
They start out standing tall and look so dignified with their petals all closed up tight.
You bring them home, wash them up all pretty, trim some dead weight off the bottom and give them a happy new home in a fancy vase and there they stand ready to show off all they’ve got for all to see.
Over the next few days I notice that their tall and straight demeanor seems to fall a little-sometimes I think they just need a new view of the window from where they are sitting. Other times they just seem to follow the light. But by day eight they seem to be just downright tired, barely able to keep there once colorful blooms lifted up for anyone to see, sometimes amidst a sea of other tulips who still seem to be standing tall and proud.
There are days I feel like those eight day old tulips.
I feel like my once dignified and straight and tall demeanor fades and I often feel like just holding up my petals seems like such an impossible effort. I’m sure that all that weariness has a lot to do with those late night feedings that I am currently being exposed to. I’ve been known to say that I would rather get up every two hours feeding a newborn than having to potty train a kid. Now, I’m getting to do both. There are days when I wonder if life will ever by the same again.
Will there ever be a time when my house will ever be picked up again? Clean? I think I gave up that dream a while ago, but just picked up, is that too much to ask? And some days I really wish dinner would just cook itself. I’m actually considering changing my 2 meal a day cereal limit. Cereal can’t be all that bad if consumed for a full 24hours, can it? Will life be normal again? Will we get back to a normal schedule and normal bedtimes and normal activities that don’t involve running around like crazy people from one activity to the next.
Truth be told, there are days when this mothering thing is just SO hard. There are days that all those tidying up things get combined with all the really important things like all the worries and dreams I have for and about my kids, and all the things I need to teach them, and all those overwhelming feeling of love I have for them that just can’t seem to be put into words-they just sit in my heart and grow and grow with every look at each one of my precious kids. My mind swirls with how amazing they are and if I am helping them become all they can be. Are they learning to be kind and charitable? Am I teaching them to be compassionate and loving? Are they responsible and know how to work? I look and suddenly there I was, a tired little tulip who feels like holding up those petals is a little too hard for a while.
I had one of those days. And Aaron came home to my rescue without even knowing the super hero he was being. I got to go and actually take a nap with Ethan sleeping soundly next to me on my bed. When I woke up there was a sweet little note laying on my nightstand next to my bed.
“I love you mom. Love, Erika”. It had a pretty white flower taped to the edge of it.
Will my life ever by the same?
No, I’m confident it won’t. Because I am a mom, my life has been forever changed. How grateful I am for a loving daughter that reminded me of how great that change was.
And all those other tall and good looking flowers? Well, turns out they aren’t all those others that you think have it all together. They aren’t the Jones that you are chasing down. They aren’t the cashiers at the store looking down their noses at you. They are your family. Standing tall and proud of you. Because of you. Not in spite of you. Sometimes that new normal is not being weighed down low and wilting with the weight of life. If fact what you once thought was wilting was actually bending-bending down low in thanks for a Heavenly Father who let you feel the weight of having eight little people love you so intensely. It’s a weight I am happy I get to feel each day.
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